Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Blindness

All right, I'm admitting it here, right now. Total confession time. Heard about Britney Spears' no-unders photos and had to look for them. I was curious...found it hard to believe, believe it or not, that she'd run around without...panties. I mean, COME ON! That's ridiculous.

I found the pictures.

I cringed.

I looked.

My mouth stretched into an "eeeek...it's true..." and cringed again as I scrolled once more through the several, horrifying shots of Ms. Spears getting into a limo and then engaging in what looked like a group hug with the huggers purposefully hiking her skirt so the paparazzi could get a lower-than-low shot of...everything under the skirt.

I sent the link to all my friends and family.

I don't know...maybe I have to be a guy but I found the pictures intensely embarrassing. Then I got nostalgic. Awwww...I remember the days when I'd actually WANT someone to see my personal business. I remember the days when I could actually drink enough alcohol to not mind strangers seeing my personal business without getting a migraine headache and throwing up in the bushes. Remember those days?

Yeah, so...I'm blind now. Completely, utterly blind. I looked and lost my vision. Blackness, I see, colors blurring into black, background noise of my children demanding Christmas presents and cell phones and cards for downloading music off the internet and really expensive clothes. The noise I appreciated most though was little almost-6 M, chiming, "Mommy, can I get Snow White panties, huh, Mommy? Or maybe Ariel panties? Or...or...the Twelve Dancing Princesses panties?"

"Oh yes, M, you can have as many panties as you want! All the panties in the world!"


***

Once again, I offer my apologies to my loyal blog-checkers for not updating very often. Just the school and holiday blues - too busy - not enough quiet time. Blog posts rush past me every day - lengthy posts - posts about dreams and nightmares and Tourette's syndrome and then when I sit at the computer, nothing reaches my fingertips.

I'm disturbed on some level because not so long ago I imagined that just maybe I might eek out a living writing. I envisioned short stories, novels...I saw something real and plausible. Then I started teaching. And it seemed like all those ideas of mine disappeared. I started a blog as a creative outlet, as an alternative to making a living as an author. I put a lot into the blog - it was wonderful. Then the blog became an extension of my conscious and subconscious and suddenly it wasn't anonymous anymore but really me.

And then the "me" began to act just like I do at home - indulging in non-productivity. The silence of the blog is me on the couch. Wearing underwear, for those of you smarties out there. Underwear and jeans. And a top. A bra under the shirt or sweater. A well-covering sweater. With boots. Socks and boots. And beer in the hand. Or maybe a book. Or it could be no boots and socks and just slippers with M or A next to me. And the house is messy. And there is chili simmering on the stove. Bubbling chili with beans, Italian sausage, ground turkey, canned tomatoes and lots of spices. My sister's recipe that took me a week to finally pull together. Because lately, me-on-the-couch has been enjoying prepared food. BBQ pork, pineapple fish, orange-peel chicken wings, vegetable lasagna, turkey meatloaf. D and I love prepared food.

"Look, honey, I just have to stick the thing in the microwave and voila! All done!"

"Delicious. The salt will do wonders for my hypertension."

"No...that's the trick...low salt."

"Delicious. The blandness will definitely do wonders for my compulsive eating."

"Exactly!"

So...yeah...the silent Bliss Blog is Adriana on the couch. Wearing underwear.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Glad to see you're back. That chili you've got going sure sounds good.

Jean said...

Some of the writing in your blog, like this, is so terrific, I wonder, just wonder, if you might be able to get a literary agent just by showing them your blog. If you had someone like that behind you, it might make a difference?

On the other hand, I can't find time to write and I have no children, so how on earth do I imagine...

Just keep the flame going, however irregularly, I think that's the main thing.

Lots of love to you.

Jennifer said...

I miss you when you go sit on the couch in your undergarments. No pressure. Just thought you should know. 'Cause I really do.

Brenda said...

Delightful, humorous, from start to finish. After reading your post, though, I really don't want to see the Britney photos!

Now undergarments and the underlying desires to write creatively, there's some connection, Bliss, for sure. There's a wonderful book of inspiration for specifically women writers called "Fruitflesh," that I've thoroughly enjoyed and somehow seems to fit in with the themes here.

*hugs

nappy40 said...

When your blog goes from anonymous to naked, what do you do?

Tamar said...

Adriana,
I was thrilled to hear from you on my blog yesterday! Thank you! Blogging days are surely harder than when we all began, aren't they? But this post is a scream! I laughed and smiled and felt your pain in all directions. I don't have the time to read as much or blog as much as, say a year ago. But gee, it is so good to read you every now and again whatever you write! Smiles and hugs.

Anonymous said...

It's so good to read your writing again. It always feels so indulgent.

Perhaps one day instead of writing books and autobiographies, many fine yet time-poor writers (like yourself) will simply print versions of their blogs for hungry readers (like me). I would definitely read that, or anything else you wrote.

And yes, I also tracked down 'the picture' and was amazed by the very visible c-section scar. Dear lord!

David N. Scott said...

Hahaha... that is so me!

One day, my blog become something like work instead of an escape, kind of an obligation. And then, I started cringeing at the log in screen instead of looking forward to it. Sigh.