Wednesday, January 25, 2012

January 2012

Venturing into the blogosphere like a scared rabbit because it's been so long. Have things changed? Perhaps. Perhaps not.

Still teaching at that small college. Still struggling with academic writing. Still being challenged by J but lifted by M and A. My younger children amaze me, my eldest bewilders me. I have found love in a most surprising place. There, I have found peace and impatience and regret and unabashed joy. I am left breathless.

Yes, yes, things have changed. I have changed.

At a time when I thought my name was most ironic... I have found bliss.

Today, I drank a margarita, sitting next to my children, in a suburban restaurant. We laughed and looked at our phones and shared things coming across the airwaves. Just like all the others at the tables. Not-so-little-but-still-little M turned to me with her round rosy cheeks sprinkled with freckles, smiling at her iPod and the games and the music, feeling so grown-up. I wish she could stay eleven. In this moment, I hope she'll always feel as beautiful as she is. I hope she'll always believe she is as smart as she is. I hope the world will not steal her confidence and sense of inner and outer beauty.

The salt on the rim of the glass is good, and I lick my lips. We pay the bill, gather our things, and run to the new red car, yes, yes, red, red as a sun's summer kiss. We flip on the music and drive into the dark.