Saturday, May 23, 2009

Summer Again

Wasn't it just a couple of months ago when I posted about Summer, 2008? I had big plans and accomplished few of them. Wasn't it really just a few months ago when I posted that J was determined to not fail the semester? Well, here we are, June lurking in the short distance and he is failing all his academic classes. He plans on continuation school in fall. He plays in a band and hangs out with his friends. He has locked himself out of driving, proms; he has no phone, he gets no money from us, or extras. Essentially, he has no life. The school did everything they could, short of doing the work for him. Every teacher sat there with everything they possibly could to get him to give one little shit about getting a "D". We yell every so often, but for the most part we have given up. His future in his hands.

We did everything within our economic means. We did everything emotionally but bleed out in front of him. The doctors have examined him up and down. He's on medications to address his disorders - he skips taking them. He curses us when we don't provide him with money or a ride anywhere. There is no "punishment" that elicits anything, nor any reward either.

It is hard to be supportive because there is not much to be supportive about. That he takes a shower? Good job, son! Oh look, he's walking on the sidewalk! Excellent, he remembers his password for MySpace. Nice job on getting dressed and finding your own way to your friends' houses. I can imagine that for some these would be miracles. I have completely lost all perspective.

I dreamed last night his friends broke into my house.

We simply stand by and watch him fall lower and lower. He wants no help to move forward. He doesn't want to move forward. He simply doesn't care.

I do not know what to do any longer...short bleeding out in front of him simply to end a terrible ache.

4 comments:

Anna said...

I'm sorry you're all going through this, but having seen so many variations on this same theme over the decades, I'm optimistic that all will be well in the end. In the meantime, courage!

frazzledsugarplummum said...

I was looking up the colour pink and ended up at your blog....sleepily scrolled and read some entries then sat up and took notice. A mother after my own heart....Just when you are feeling that there is nothing you can do anothers similar plight touches your heart. I will be wandering through a lot more of your posts. Thanks for sharing and I love the photography.

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