Catching a Virus

My computer has a virus – there’s no other explanation for the slow loading of internet pages, the slow loading of Windows operations. I spent the day scanning the computer, running tests, reloading, reloading again, defragging in desperation, all to no avail. I found one virus known as “NavBar,” called a “security risk” by Symnatec…this is such a pisser. I’m all out of options, short of tossing the computer and starting over.

But that would be too tiring. The thought of it makes me want to curl up in bed and go to sleep.

***

The special education team met yesterday to review A’s progress in school with the classroom modifications in place. As I had been complaining about, they too came to the conclusion that the modifications were not helping him in the classroom. His performance in math and writing there is way below his capability. On top of that, the psychologist believes A is depressed based on the way he writes – almost scribbling, not paying any attention to the lines on the page, and writing really hard, making the no. 2 pencil chicken scratches almost black. He’s now in the full special education program for math and writing – really excellent goals over the next year. They won’t hold him back because he’s actually testing at grade level except in math and writing. And he only scores low on those under certain circumstances.

So…they now rule he has a learning disability. I’m relieved. This way, the homework will be adjusted, he’ll get special pull-out time with a special education teacher, I’m hoping we’ll see great improvement over the next year.

I have a headache and wish to sleep for three days.

***

The other night I had a dream about being sleepy – I was in an unknown parking lot somewhere during the day and I was being accosted by violent persons unknown. The problem was I couldn’t run because I was so, so sleepy. The kind of sleepiness where you struggle to keep your eyes open, where if you don’t lie down you’re going to drop like a ton of bricks right then and there, only I couldn’t do it because I was on the verge of being horrifically violated.

The next scene of sleepiness took place on the sidewalk where I was pushing a stroller that held J when he was only months old. I was talking to my sister when suddenly we noticed our aged grandmother in the street, babbling. We were so sad because she was clearly in a state of dementia.

I finally woke up. After taking the kids (all the kids, thank the gods of all that is holy in this universe) to school, I sat down at the computer to wade through the virus-laden menus and windows to get to e-mail and there was a note from a friend that said in the subject line, “WAKE UP!”

She was inviting me to participate in a group writing exercise. Loads of fun, I know.

The thought of writing detailed, funny, silliness made me tired. I grabbed my cup of coffee, trudged to my room, put the coffee cup on my dresser, and crawled into my bed, fully dressed. I lay under the fluffy, flowery comforter and thought…hell with waking up. Who wants to clean the floors, do laundry, work on class outlines, grade papers or locate the smell of urine that’s going on in the den by the T.V. when I can sleep instead? Ahhh…sleep…the perfect escape for the stay-at-home mother.

I didn’t sleep.

Instead I got up, flipped on the tube and watched the full two hours of 24. More escapism. Tonight I made tacos for the family. D cut up the tomatoes and cheese. I doled out the sour cream and hot sauce. I found the urine.

Tonight, I’ll continue my search for a virus. I’ll have a shot of vodka when I toss the children into their beds. I’ll pretend to be writing something significant.

Forget it, I’m sleepy and am going to bed.